Afraid of flying, but love to travel?

I’m a stressed, edgy, fearful flyer… but I love adventure and travel.  Quite the dilemma.

I wasn’t always this way.  In fact, when I first started flying I enjoyed the entire process.  From airport shops to in-flight drinks to destination and back.  It all seemed so social, and active, and fun.  But about 3 years ago, much to the chagrin of my wife (and anyone else who flies with me), I began to dread it all.

The lines, the delays, the parents (I refuse to blame the kids), the waiting… the constant feeling that I am being herded like cattle.

And then it happened.  Somewhere off the East Coast on a flight back from Turks and Caicos, on a rusty tin bucket of a plane whose sound and video systems weren’t even working, we hit some choppy turbulence.  I ran up and down the aisle screaming “We’re all gonna die!!”

Ok, not really.  As far as flight freak outs go, this was pretty mild and almost entirely internal.  But it was the most uncomfortable I had ever been on a plane.  Each bump and dip frayed another one of my nerves, and I was absolutely helpless to do anything about it.  It was just an awful sensation, one that I wanted to avoid experiencing at all costs in the future.

Of course that wasn’t really an option.  In addition to wanting to travel and explore and experience new places, I now have family and friends who are just a wee bit out of road trip range… you know, like on the other side of the country.

Clearly I had to figure something out and so I did what everyone does when they have a personal crisis these days… I consulted the internet.  And believe it or not, I actually found some helpful resources.  There are entire sites, as you can imagine, dedicated to this topic.  Browsing through some of them was therapeutic if for no other reason than it made me realize how minor my new phobia was in comparison to some of the poor souls I was reading about.  Perspective is always helpful.

I found getonthatplane.com to be particularly helpful.  It is run by an experienced airline pilot and there is lots of info and tips for dealing with anxiety while flying.  One that I found comforting – and really drives home the reality of turbulence – is what they call the ‘Glass of Water Trick.’  When you start to feel turbulence and are convinced the plane is about to go down, put a glass of water on the tray in front of you.  Then watch it.  Chances are, even during some of the worst in-flight bumps you are likely to experience, that water will hardly move.  Now imagine what would happen to that glass of water if you put it on your dash during your morning commute. It would wind up in your lap.

As Captain Stark, the man behind getonthatplane.com, says:

“Worry if you want to but you are just making stuff up.”

I’ve always found that simple statement to be oddly reassuring.  After all, I knew most of my fear was in my head; I just needed some way to reconnect with that reality.

In the end, what helped me the most was realizing that my anxiety at 30,000 feet had more to do with how I was feeling before I even got on the plane, than it did with anything I experienced while up there.  If I am rested, comfortable, happy and joking as I board… I seem to be able to brush off whatever happens in the air.  If I am rushed, tired, annoyed, or sick on my way to the plane… chances are I will carry that with me during the flight – and it will manifest itself as anxiety.

Understanding this makes my fear of flying a matter of managing and planning the trips.  So now these are the rules I try to live by when flying:

1. Get to the airport early. No, get there EXTRA early.  Not feeling rushed and being able to chill out for a bit, grab some food and drink, always settles my nerves pre-flight.
2. Avoid layovers and take direct flights whenever possible.  In addition to cutting down on the amount of take-offs and landings (which are the most anxiety-inducing for me) it reduces the waiting and the lines and the hassles with baggage.
3. Upgrade when possible. Getting out of the cramped seats of the coach section and hanging with the bourgeoisie in first class for a few hours should certainly help your comfort level.
4. Try to fit everything into your carry on bags. Dealing with lines, baggage checks and the possibility of lost luggage is not very relaxing.
5. Take advantage of curbside or automatic check ins. Again, to avoid lines and hassles and make the process smooth and relaxing for you.
6. Avoid crowded wait areas. Unless you are a people person.  I am not, so having strangers bump into me and yell into their cell phones right next to me raises my blood pressure.  I find that sitting back from the crowded wait area and doing some people watching from afar settles my nerves.
7. Book aisle seats or window seats. Reduce, by at least one, the chance of getting a really awful and stress inducing neighbor.
8. Get a good night’s sleep, and stay hydrated. I find being rested and energized helps with nerves.

And if all else fails.  Remember, “Worry if you want to but you are just making stuff up.”