I wouldn’t quite classify this as an “Adirondack adventure,” but it’s been consuming a lot of my time over the past few days, so I felt compelled to write about it. Just about a week ago I noticed a few stray black ants around our kitchen sink. I thought it was strange to find ants in the house in the dead of winter, but there were only a few of them so I promptly wiped them up and didn’t give it much more thought. The next day I found a couple more – one here, one there. Again, I wiped them up and chalked it up to the exceptionally cold outside temperatures. No biggie.

The next day, however, I woke up to find many more ants in the kitchen. Not a total infestation, but significantly more than before. The early scouts had obviously reported back and now the troops were advancing. It was time to take action.

I grew up in southern California, so I am no stranger to ant invasions. All year round, our house would get random infestations of those hideous, insidious Argentine ants. They were completely disgusting – and fascinating. They were so orderly and efficient and hardworking. Their little ant trails were stick-straight and there was never any question about what they were after – usually the pet food. And the only thing that would get rid of them was a good old-fashioned blast with the RAID can.

These days, I’m not a big fan of using harsh chemicals in the house, especially with an exceptionally curious cat running around and a tank full of very sensitive fish. And these ants (pavement ants, maybe?) seemed to be a little different. They’re like the hillbilly cousins of the Argentine ants I grew up with. They kind of just wander around aimlessly – you assume they’re after food or water or heat, but you can’t be sure because their trails are so all over the place. And they’re slow. I was sure that any number of the non-toxic, hippie dippy home remedies I found online would be enough to convince them to shack up elsewhere.

So I started my research. I soon found that there are 62 million different ways to get rid of ants “naturally.” All of them are GUARANTEED to work.

Sprinkle cinnamon anywhere you see ants. They’ll turn tail and run away, never to be seen again!

Spray white vinegar near their point of entry. It’s safe and natural and it works!

Sprinkle a dusting of table salt around the ants. They hate it and they won’t come back!

Use a citrus-based cleaner and you’ll never have an ant problem again!

I tried all of these guaranteed remedies over the course of the week, with only minor, temporary success. The vinegar seemed to work the best, but the ants just kept coming back.

I reached my breaking point yesterday morning. I usually take my laptop to bed with me at night. And when I get sleepy I set it down on the floor next to the bed. Sometimes I shut it down completely, sometimes I don’t. Sunday night was one of those times I didn’t shut it down and the next morning when I went to pick it up there were ants SWARMING underneath it. Sick. Guess they got cold during the night. It was like an ant bonfire. I swear if I’d had a magnifying glass I would have seen little ant-sized beer bottles scattered across the floor.

It was time to wage all out war.

I drove to the local hardware store prepared to buy up their supply of RAID. I didn’t care if I suffered long term damage from the fumes. I wanted those ants dead and gone. But before I headed to the RAID aisle, I decided to ask for a recommendation from the store owner. First, he noted that it was a little surprising to have such an ant problem in the middle of winter, but admitted it wasn’t totally unheard of, especially if the basement is kept warm. (Ah-ha. We have a crawl space that has stayed quite warm this winter.)

And then he said he had the greatest ant killing product EVER. I got excited. He took me over to the pest control aisle and handed me a little cardboard box of Terro Liquid Ant Killer. Huh. I was disappointed. I had come across reviews of Terro in my online “how to get rid of ants safely” research, and they were mixed at best. Some people swore by it, others said don’t waste your money. But the owner insisted it would do the job. He’d used it before on a terrible infestation of his own and within three days the ants were gone. Best of all, it’s about as non-toxic as a commercial pesticide can get, since it’s a classic ant killing mixture of boric acid and sugar water. I decided to give it a shot.

I raced home and set the bait traps all over the house. Basically, you take a piece of cardboard or tin foil, squirt 5-6 drops of the Terro directly onto the paper, and place them wherever you find an ant trail. Then sit back and let the ants find them. They’ll have a drink, go about their business, and then take the bait back to the colony where the unwitting queen is waiting. It’s diabolical. Dave laughed as I went the extra mile and very gently and patiently redirected any stray ants to the delicious bait.

Within an hour, the traps were swarmed. They loved the stuff! I felt a quick pang of guilt, knowing I was helping to destroy a highly organized and sophisticated society of ants. And then I got over it. This morning, less than 24 hours later, the ants were already noticeably fewer. Only a handful surrounded the traps in the kitchen and the bedroom. This stuff is magic!

As the day wears on, their numbers keep dwindling. I will remain vigilant, but I think the war is coming to an end.

Moral of the story? In the Adirondacks, the local hardware store owner knows better than Google.